Navigating Money During a Divorce as a Woman: Lessons from the Trenches

_{By Jasmine Marra Bromwich+Smith Staff | 1252 words | Reading Time:6 minutes | Date: 2023/11/21}

Scene: The Messy Middle of My Own Divorce - I remember it like it was yesterday, although it's been almost a decade since my world was turned upside down by divorce. The day in question was an overcast one, mirroring the turbulent storm inside me. The cluttered kitchen table was littered with paperwork – bank statements, credit card bills, mortgage documents, and divorce papers. I was lost in a sea of numbers, emotions, and unanswered questions while my 1 year old son tugged at my shirt for some before nap snuggles. I tried to hide emotion from my face as I picked him up into my lap.

My heart raced, and my mind swirled with doubt, anger, and fear not just for myself – but for the little boy perched on my lap.  How did this happen??? I did all the “right things” and still it ended here. The pain of a failed marriage was heavy, but the prospect of financial ruin was almost overwhelming. I knew I had to gain control of my finances and regain my mental and emotional wellness to navigate this treacherous journey for myself and my son. It wasn't easy, but I learned invaluable lessons along the way and today I am proud to say I am happily remarried with three little boys and have found myself in a much healthier rebuilt financial position.

Divorce can be one of the most challenging chapters as a woman, both emotionally and financially. In this blog, I want to share my experience and provide guidance from someone who has been deep in the thick of . I've been through it, and I know how overwhelming it can be, especially when it comes to managing your finances. So, if you find yourself in the messy middle of a divorce, here are five key considerations to help you maintain your financial and mental wellness:

# 1. Know Your Worth

One of the most crucial lessons I learned during my divorce was the importance of knowing my worth. It's not just about your financial worth, but your emotional and personal worth as well. As women, we often underestimate our value, especially when it comes to money matters.

Understanding your financial worth is a vital first step. Gather all your financial documents and get a clear picture of your assets and debts. This includes bank statements, investments, retirement accounts, mortgages, and any other financial commitments. Take the time to understand the full extent of your financial situation, so you can make informed decisions.

And, don't forget about your emotional and personal worth. A divorce can be a blow to your self-esteem and confidence. Remember that you are more than your financial situation. Reconnect with your passions, hobbies, and the things that make you feel alive. Seek emotional support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you rebuild your self-esteem and emotional resilience.

# 2. Plan for Financial Independence

During the divorce process, it's essential to establish financial independence. This means separating your finances from your soon-to-be ex-spouse as soon as possible. Open your individual bank accounts, credit cards, and any other financial accounts in your name alone.

I found it liberating to have my own financial space, a place where I could chart my financial future without the influence or interference of my ex. This independence gives you control over your financial destiny and the freedom to make decisions that align with your goals.

# 3. Protect Your Assets

One of the biggest challenges in a divorce is the division of assets. This process can become contentious and emotional, especially when it involves properties, investments, or personal belongings with sentimental value. To maintain your financial wellness, it's essential to protect your assets. I know it can be an emotional time where you just want it to go away – but take the time to understand it yourself so you don’t just collapse under the pressure.  I hear women say all the time “I don’t care…he can just take it”.  I promise your future self will disagree.

Hiring an experienced divorce attorney or divorce mediator who understands the nuances of asset division is crucial. They can help you navigate the legal aspects and ensure you receive a fair share of the assets you're entitled to. Additionally, consider safeguarding your assets by:

- Keeping an inventory of all valuable possessions

- Considering a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement in future relationships to protect your assets

- Be aware of the value of assets, so you can make informed decisions during negotiations

Remember, protecting your assets isn't about being greedy; it's about securing your financial future and ensuring you have the resources you need to move forward. Especially if you are like me and had a tiny little person to create a future for.

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# 4. Manage Debt Wisely

Debt can be a significant concern during a divorce, especially when it's shared debt accumulated during the marriage. Just like with assets, it's crucial to manage debt wisely to protect your financial wellness. Here are some steps to consider:

Identify Joint Debts: Start by listing all your outstanding debts, categorizing them as joint or individual. Joint debts are those incurred during the marriage and should be divided fairly.

Negotiate a Repayment Plan: Work with your ex-spouse, your attorney, or a mediator to negotiate a debt repayment plan. This may involve selling assets, refinancing loans, or agreeing on a schedule for debt repayment or even looking at declaring bankruptcy or entering into a consumer proposal.  One thing that is important to note, is if you are considering insolvency it will protect only the person entering into the protection. The other party will still be liable for the debts.  So if your ex or yourself are considering this, it is important to consult a Licensed Insolvency Trustee like Bromwich+Smith. 

Close Joint Accounts: To prevent further accumulation of debt on joint credit cards, work with your ex-spouse to close these accounts and open new individual ones.

Build a Strong Credit History: If you don't have an individual credit history, consider opening new credit accounts in your name and manage them responsibly. This helps you maintain a strong credit score, which is crucial for your financial wellness.

# 5. Seek Support and Professional Guidance

No matter how strong you are, going through a divorce is emotionally and mentally challenging. It's essential to seek support and professional guidance. Surround yourself with friends and family who provide emotional support and understanding.

Additionally, consider enlisting the help of professionals who specialize in divorce-related financial planning, such as financial advisors, accountants, trustees or even therapists. They can provide you with valuable insights, assist you in making informed financial decisions, and guide you through this tumultuous journey. Arming yourself with information and advice is key to empowering your decision making through the divorce process. 

In conclusion, navigating money during a divorce is a challenging endeavor, but it's also an opportunity for personal growth and financial empowerment. As women, we have the strength to emerge from divorce to become stronger, both emotionally and financially. Remember to know your worth, plan for financial independence, protect your assets, manage debt wisely, and seek the support and professional guidance you need.

When I look back at that cluttered kitchen table and the emotions that overwhelmed me during my own divorce, I realize that I emerged from it not as a victim but a more financially empowered woman. I learned to navigate the murky waters of divorce, and build new financial acumen along the way. Your financial wellness and mental health are worth the effort, and I believe in your strength to overcome this challenging chapter in your life.

Author: Jasmine Marra | Chief Client Experience Officer  

Jasmine is Chief Client Experience at Bromwich + Smith. She has been featured as a financial expert in outlets such as CTV, Global TV, CityNews, CBC, the Financial Post and Toronto Star.  She and her husband Chris reside in Calgary with three little boys.